At my thinking chair…

Isa sa mga bisyo ko, kumanta at magmunimuni habang naliligo. Bigla kong naalala, minsan may nagtanong sa akin, “Ano bang tipo mo sa lalaki at wala ka pang boyfriend?” Hindi ko siya sinagot ng seryoso pero napaisip din ako. Natapos na akong maligo. Umupo na ako sa aking “thinking chair” un pa din iniisip ko. Habang nakikinig sa kantang “Im sexy and I know it”(jusme, tagal na!). Kaya napasulat bigla ako.

Hindi naman ako choosy, sa mga panahong ito kailangan pa bang maging choosy?? Hindi din naman ako materialistic na tao. Hindi ako high maintenance na gf. Hindi din naman ako based sa physical feature. Ayun lang may topak ako at alam ko un at tahimik. Hindi lang isang araw, minsan tatlong araw hangang isang linggo(tulad ngayon!). Siguro taong makakasundo ko at maiintindihan ako. Maiintindhan ako na hindi ko kailangan ng madaming pera para maging masaya at masabing kuntento ako sa buhay ko. Kapag nasa abroad ka akala nila tumatabo ka ng pera. Parang hindi mauubusan ang kaban ng yaman. Hindi nila alam baligtan ang buhay. Kailangan mong mabuhay ng simple sa ayaw at gusto mo. Kung sa pinas, labas ka lang sa kalsada, tawagin ang barkada. Instant, malling na. Lakad-lakad, nood nood ng sine, inom inom sa starbuck. Sosyal ka na. Dito, ayaw mong gumastos may pinaglalaanan ka manahimik ka sa bahay. (Itago mo lang ang mga kurdon at cleaning materials baka mapagtripan mong mglaro ng patay-patayan.)

“So I decided there’s nothing better…to find satisfaction in work” (Ecc 2.24), ika nga. Hindi ako kikita ng limpak limpak na salapi. Pero at the end of the day, I have smile on my face. Hindi ko alam kung selfishness tong iniisip ko. Kung may makakaintindi ba? Ano kaya iisipin ng mga tao? Hanggang ngayon, I am haunted by my past and I am taunted by my future, “law student” “Senior data analyst” “buhay-petiks sa pinas”. At dapat ganito ka, kasi sila ganito na. Mataas ang expectation. Feeling ko, iniisip nila dapat CEO nako ng isang company ngayon. May foreigner na asawa. May anak na blue eyes at may sariling plantasyon ng pera sa pinas.

Simple lang. Hindi komplikado.Tama na ung may maliit na business. Kuha-kuha ng litrato. Design-design ng kung ano ano. Makapag-gala kahit 2 beses sa isang taon. Magpasaya ng ibang tao. Kumanta sa videoke ng walang humpay. Magtrabho ng normal. Manood ng NCIS at Criminal Minds. At maging mabuting mamamayan ng Denmark.

Random thoughts: Stage of acceptance, I AM BORED. Magpatattoo kaya ako. Gusto kong gumala. Sa mainit na lugar. Two-piece, sunbathing. May kailangan gawin, pero tinatamad. “LSS: Everyday it rain, rain, eh eh eh..”

Every year, I always have this year-end special. Reminiscing the past, analysing the present and planning the future. But when 2012 came, I realized that all that of these are gone. The old Urania that full of hopes, dreams and expectation is gone. I don’t why and how these things happened. But I will try my very best to do it again.

Last year, I have the following goals:

1. Soar Higher from strength to strength

- Definitely, I soar higher with my ministry. I became the MIS head and CAN member. I found strength in what I do. I put my faith on Him.

2. Debt-free

- Actually, I did but again another sem came and I still need support.

3. Miscellaneous for School and Apartment

- If you will ask me how I survived this last year in the school. I don’t know also. I have all the software. I have all the material without buying it. I am also blessed that I have home. Real home here in Denmark. Thank you, Ate Rozvi

4. Permanent work

- This is in my list for 3 years and I will not get tired and weary to include this again! And Pray Harder!

5. Scholarship

- Also, pray harder!

6. Get my brothers

- Not now, not this year. I tasted the real life here and I realized that I am not ready yet

7. Vacation to the Philippines

- Yes! I had a blast! But still missing them.

When the old year and the new met, I am not comfortable with my situation. I am really satisfied of what I have. Am I too materialistic? Am I to expecting too much? I don’t know. I am confused and worried. Am I too paranoid? Am I too arrogant? Nobody knows!

BUT, I’m still keeping my faith! I will! I will always be!

The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them. (Psalm 24:14)

1. Pray Harder!

I lack prayer time. I am guilty with this. Prayer time and devotion time. Less computer, more books.

2. Debt-free

Again, for Beng and Ate Roslyn, I want to finish my course without any hassle.

3. Finish my study

I’ll graduate this year. I want to finish it. I want to accomplish something. FOR ONCE!

4. Get a work

I pray next year, I will not write this one again

5. Business

The business with Bryan excites me. I feel it has potential. I want to pursue it.

6. Travel

I want to go to warmer country. Beach, small town, nice view, great night life.

I thank God for the last year and I am looking forward to another bright year.