Random Thoughts

I am in my deep silence of serenity, where busyness is beyond miles away and tiredness is left behind in the other realm but this silence and serenity is not complete without any purpose. What it could be?

I have been begging for this day to come. And trying to push myself to the edge to have this one but now, what now?

Trying to keep myself sane and thinking that this things is just a normal path where everybody will pass whether they like it or not but this journey seems to me forever. I am taking it too long. I need to move on and take another route but where should I go?

With few days that I am taking every minute, I just found out that I am not physical tired and busy. It was all in my mind. I was trying to figure out and doing things ALL BY MYSELF, AGAIN! What do you expect? It’s typical me. But then, I gave up and feel so deadly tired even not.

Until now, I am battling with my senses what on earth am I doing here and why am I doing this things to myself. Until now, those are my million dollar question to myself. In short, I am nearly give up but every time I am trying His hands is always there to catch my last breath.

Well, this is my choice and this is His will. I am living by faith and mercy everyday. All this things are learning process. Process that can’t be repeated and learning that can’t be forgotten. I just need to get myself on track.

SERENITY AND SILENCE WITH PURPOSE.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” - James 1:12

YEAR OF THE “OVER CIRCUMSTANCES”

Every year, I ask for His word to hold and fight for it. Last year, it was a tremendous year. I saw His hands working in behalf of me. I felt His comfort in time of weakness and sadness and I witnessed the favor and blessing that I can’t imagine. And this year, God gave me this verse: Isaiah 43: 18-19

¹⁸ “But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
¹⁹ For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

A new wonderful life is about to begin this year. And this is my declaration this year, A Year of the “OVER CIRCUMSTANCES”. This verse teaches me to forget all of those wonderful things and leave it all behind because of the new things that he is going to do. Not to compare the past to my present and future. And this year, I’ll experience something new. A blessing that I have never receive before, He said He begun it already and I know that is my stay here Denmark and my new status as a student. I’ll experience the look-like-impossible but possible to Him, pathway through wilderness and rivers in dry wasteland. And this is all above circumstances, beyond average and higher than usual.

I know He has plan but I also know that He will give the desire of my heart. And this is my prayer and goal for 2011:

1. Soar Higher from strength to strength

Isaiah 40:31

³¹ But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

This is the declaration of JIL worldwide and I’d like to join them with heart and spirit. Soaring higher spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically but will never get tired or weary.

2. Debt-free

This January I want to pay all my debts especially to Beng. I’d like to begin my school year without any distress.

3. Miscellaneous for School and Apartment

I’ll begin my school this January and I am so excited but studying Multimedia is no joke, you have to have materials and equipments to survive like laptop for multimedia and softwares. The school has an offer to have these materials and I need to have it. Also, I am moving-in into another house and I need things like closet, tables, dyne and pillows.

4. Permanent work

Of course, I need to support my self and my family back home. Until now, I don’t know how to have one and how to have it on my schedule. God help me.

5. Scholarship

This will suffice everything. I can get Driving License, get my brothers from Philippines and take a vacation.

6. Get my brothers

I want to help them to get here.

7. Vacation to the Philippines

I miss them badly. I want to see them badly. Sometimes I don’t want to think about them and just work but I really want to be with them just for a few weeks.

Worst blog ever!

Kapag nagigipit ka sa oras at pera. Hindi mo maiiwasang magisip ng hindi maganda. Lahat na lng puro nega. Para bang ngfflashback lahat ng nega sa yo at gusto mong lumundag sa tuwa at sumigaw na, isa akong malaking "K". Nasa punto na din akong walang kakausap sa akin na hindi magandang balita ang dala kundi malilitikan ka sa akin. Wag ka ding basta basta sisingit sa mga iniisip ko at mapapatalsik kita ng wala sa oras. In short, hindi ako ito. Hindi maganda nangyayari sa akin. Isa-sahin natin...

1. Hangang ngyon hindi pa ako nakakabayad ng tuition fee ko. Nagigipit ako sa oras. Wala naman akong sinisisi. Miscommunication lng. Sana tanggapin pa ako ng school. Sa dami ng extension ko sa knila, Lord have mercy on me.

2. Nawawala buscard ko. 5 zoner buscard! Nung Sunday ko lng binili. Pinagsapalaran ko lng bumili kasi alam ko after nito wala nkong perang ilalabas.

3. Sumasabay ang host ko sa pagbibigay ng kung ano anong instruction. Magpapaalam na nga ako e. Maghanap na sila ng iba!

4. Wala akong load. Isang importanteng bagay sa akin ngyon. (E d bumili!) Please refer to number 1 and 2. Pano na ang kabuhayan??

5. Pag ngllog-in ako sa Skype. Nakikita kita! Pagnakikita ko pangalan mo parang winawagayway mo sa buong cyberspace ang pagiging tanga ko sa yo!

6. At isa ka pa Facebook. Hindi ko namang intention na mgpost ng ganun e. Bakit nyo pinapalaki nyo?

7. Deadline..deadline sa extra-curricular activities. Actually, hindi naman problema ito. Hindi lang ako makapgconcentrate. Hindi ko maumpisahan at imposibleng tapusin.

Worst blog that I posted. Puro nega. But I cant resist! Hindi ko alam kung pano ilalabas lahat ng ito. Unti-unti ng ngffiled-up sa utak ko. Sumisingit. Nanunuot. Nangangamoy na. Nabubulok. Dapat ng tanggalin.

Promise. Reresbak ako!

Answered Prayers..

These were my prayer request this year. I wrote these last January 02, 2010. He gave His promise to me that day and I always pray for these. And I cant believe that now, October 19, 2010, barely 9 months. He answered my prayers with bonus!

1. To have work permit or student permit in Denmark. This is my ultimate goal right now. I don’t want to be an au pair forever and I really wanted to start my new career by studying or working. I am starting now to find alternative options to stay longer here. I want to stay here for more 2 or 3 years. --- I was accepted last month in KEA as a Multimedia design and Communication student and I know He will also provide my tuition fee.



2. To visit Paris. I hope this summer I can visit Paris now and if most likely with side-trip again and this time in Germany. --- I visited Paris last summer with Brenda though I wasnt able to visit Germany but that was a blast!



3. Visit 2 more countries. Again, I don’t want to end this year without visiting more countries and probably in Spain, Italy, Norway or Switzerland. Anything goes and anything can happen. --- I wasnt able to visit 2 more countries but I've been to beautiful place of France, (Sainte Tropez and Le Praz de Lys) with side trip in Geneva, Switzerland and Nice.



4. To have a birthday bash! This will be my first time to celebrate my birthday away from my family and outside of the country and I pray that God will give a memorable birthday celebration. -- I had a birthday bash. I lost my bike and I had 2 stitches in my gums. This is truly memorable one.



5. To finish my Danish Language until Module III. I am now in Module II and I am determined to finish it until Module III. ---I am in Module 4 and determine to finish Module 5



6. To find new family. Also, this year, my contract will end in November and I pray that I can find family to live-in probably in Norway if I can’t have working or student visa. -- I am reallyy bless with my host family now and hopefully to find somewhere to live in while studying.



7. Christmas vacation in the Philippines. I am excited to have vacation in the Philippines. Even though, it is 2-weeks vacation only, I’ll spend it wisely with my family. --- Hindi pa tapos ang taon! God knows my desire and He knows that I misses my family so much!

I will possess this land, this is my desire. May God grant the desire of my heart.

Never go weary in trusting and believing Him!

You can choose how you will responseto your problems. You can let them make you hard. You can let them make you weak. Or you can use them to create something beneficial. -- John Maxwell

You opened the wound..

You said you know me. You said you will never abandon me. You said you will never hurt. But what are you doing right now. You dont know what damage you made. I dont know how to trust again. I dont know how to love again. This wound will mark forever. A scar that will remind my fears everyday. I hope you are happy now. This is me and this is will I be.